Back to Reality

It’s weird, somehow. I don’t really feel like anything has changed. Things are the same and work the same way, I am me and others are themselves. Yet life & the things within feel different. I’ve been travelling for seven weeks, which is a long time for me since the closest I did until then was one week, and it was with a good friend, kind of like bringing your life and continuing it someplace else.

Now I thought while travelling I’d “find myself” like finding those keys you know you left on the kitchen counter but couldn’t find ever since, and all of a sudden there they are, in that old jacket. And it all comes together in your head. And all of a sudden you understand. Enlightenment. Wisdom. Yoda & the force, you got it all and smile knowingly. Yep, this moment I’ve been waiting for until I was on the plane back home and realized that it’s not gonna work that way. I kind of already thought that the whole “self-finding” thing just didn’t work out for me.

But it probably only takes some time to realize. I find myself thinking differently, taking things easier. I handled a lot of weird situations in those seven weeks and the more I get back to my normal life the more I see changes. Small, but important changes. I don’t think too much of every word in those application letters, because I know that if I try to be how I think those employers want me to be I’ll have to fake on, so I just stay myself. And I don’t worry about it. If they won’t take me because of that it’s good for everyone.

That’s just one example. Things I used to worry about I now smile about. Life is less serious and a lot of “requirements” dropped out. It’s a weird feeling and I’m pretty sure there’s more to come when I get further back to reality, back into a regular job and such. I take life easier. Probably that’s one of the biggest problems when people want to change; You are always there, you’re always yourself, so the change for you is a very, very slow thing and there’s no real state you can compare yourself to.

It needs time and feedback, however it may come, to make you see what’s going on.

I’m curious to find out.