New Year’s Eve – what the heck with that faux partying?

I planned not to do anything for NYE this year. A very good friend had a party at his place and was eager to have me over, but I said I’d probably just stay home. He got somewhat upset when I said I’d prefer doing nothing over crashing his party, so I gave up and there I was at his place, at 6pm.

There were 11 people, most I knew for some time and certainly all of them being funny and cool people. But it was just what I thought it would be: A setup. Not a party. It was a planned and sterile new year’s eve festivity, and it sucked. Yes, we did chat and laugh and have fun. But I hate set-up parties. The first course for dinner, and with that goes that wine. “Oooh, what a delicious wine that is!” – “Yes, it’s from here and there, that year, a very good drop!” – “Certainly! I will have to get some of this for me, too.” – “Wait until you get to taste the red we got for the next course, it’s wonderful!”

Couldn’t you just all … I don’t know … write that bullshit down and send it in for the next episodes of “Good Times, Bad Times”? Honestly, what is this? I like parties and I’m pretty sure that evening would’ve been hilarious and great fun if all we’d have had was n ordinary frickin’ evening with some cheap wine and strong booze around.

No “it’s midnight, let’s go see fireworks and let fly some lucky-thingy-bringing lampoons!” “Let’s melt lead now, wooohoooo!” “Oh, that salmon is delicious!”

Damnit, parties should be about partying, not replace a boring stiff dinner. Curse you, New Year’s Eve parties. If I want to talk about good wine I’ll go to a wine-tasting. If I want to praise the salmon I’ll go to a fish restaurant. If I want to taste various kinds of champagne, would someone, please, just shoot me?

I’m sorry to have to say this, but I really hated the whole evening. It’s a shame how cool people change to shallow bullshit-talking silhouttes when they get into a setup. Or did they all just “evolve” from being cool people to being shallow champagne-tasting-salmon-praising shadows of the party-people they once were?

Next New Year’s Eve I’ll get a bottle of Scotch and invite everyone over to my place who just wants to get drunk or do nothing at all. If I end up alone, so be it. If you plan something similar, feel free to invite me. If, however, your plan includes “a dinner” rather than just “food”, or takes place around a huge dining table, or has various kinds of wine to go with various courses of food, or includes “going out to see the fireworks” at midnight, or doesn’t include party music “in favor of the classic waltz and New Year’s Eve style melodies”, please, don’t even bother calling me.

Checklist for acceptable vs. unacceptable party plans:

1. Seating: Chairs vs. Couch (likewise comfortable solutions are welcome, too)
2. Eating: Dinner vs. Food (rule of thumb: If your “eating” plans take away more than 30 minutes of precious party-time, or include more than one course, it’s a Dinner)
3. Drinking: Various kinds of any beverage vs. many beverages (bonus score for mixability, penalty scores for anything sparkling)
4. Music: Radio vs. Solid Playlist
5. Schedule: Any kind of scheduled activities vs. whatever comes to mind
6. Occasion: New Year’s Eve (and likewise) vs., for example, the 73rd anniversary of the west-scottish pipebag (read as: common, themed festivities vs. just coming together to have fun)

Never, ever, under any circumstances, mix a party with a dinner. At a dinner, people will sit, talk, laugh and enjoy themselves. At a party, people will hang out, drink, scream and enjoy their animal within. That being said, you know what to answer if someone invites you to a dinner party. If you want to combine dinner and party on one evening, change locations inbetween. Do not party where you had dinner. Do not eat dinner where you want to party. Full stop.